Augustus Young       light verse, poetry and prose
a webzine of new and unpublished work
Out the Gate
Mounting my bike everything happens so quickly that I manage to keep my balance without pedalling. The bad woman’s daughter descending the staircase, smoking a cigarette, kicks the little dog that snaps at her heel, almost knocking down waitress Deborah (‘The greyhound’), who is darting up behind me. Synchronously, the cat woman opens the boot of her car to take out the sack of Cha-cha granules. The ferals are milling around, at least a dozen of them. Meanwhile, Francis, the ancient rugby fan, who I haven’t seen for a
belle lurette, and thought perhaps was dead, is sounding the horn, impatiently. I add to the confusion by zig-zagging through the scrum.

Lightning Visit
The electrician couldn’t find the doorbell and knocked. But as there was a gale blowing I didn’t hear him. So I’m still in the dark. He came and went like the wind.

Bon Bricolage
The way I fix things is I do not break them.
Time Management

I’m sorely in need of a chronobiologist to fix my body clock.

My Failing
I have the arrogance of a master criminal without the skills to go with it.

Swings and Swings
Arrogance is an effective escape from a boring conversation, but you pay for it in hate.

Evil Communication
I don’t know French, but the French know me.


Happy as Lazarus.

I’ve written the dead out of my will and testament.

Evi (11)
‘I forgot to be good’.

Crossing to the Other Side
The local travel agent lost her job, but has found continuity of employment in the Croisẻe de Chemin (the funeral parlour).  


‘Most good writers fail from lack of character rather than intelligence.’

‘Poetry, like love, risks all on signs.’

Artistic Temper
You, my friend, are an artist.
Give me the sketch of a smile.

Mussolini on D’Annuncio
‘I bought the poet’s silence with filthy lucre but the ingrate done gone died on me before I could use it.’ 

Lit flit 1
My readers need to be talented

Lit flit 2
Having confidence in your writing is the first step to self-indulgence.

Lit flit  3
Punctuation is how writing breathes
Martin Le Blanc
Killed his mother and gave himself up to his shrink.

Perfect Murder in Retrospect
Ha, ha. You never thought of DNA

The Devil you Know
You have a fair idea of what he entails
Crime Passionnel
 Nowadays you kill the children too.

No light except the sun.

Fair’s fair
The English have all the virtues and vices of an island
people, the Irish all the vices and virtues.

Hole in the Wall
The Iron Curtain fell and was replaced by plastic.

Mali Election 2013
 Rain stops democracy.

As Gerald Depardieu received his Russian passport
from Putin he explained his tax-break move, ‘My father listened
to Radio Moscow’.

A Disasterous Friend

She sings like a nightingale with a worm in its mouth

Andre Breton’s Revenge
Salvador Dali = Avida Dollars

Big Deal
Billionaires Bill Gates and FM Bouygues both married Melissas. They should swap.

Happy Death
‘He died with his teeth in’

The Truth
You tell lies to your friends, never to your enemies.

defend themselves by becoming angry.

Measured Response 
I respect other people, but not their opinions.

Being Brave in Adversity
What else can you do? 

Boethius Redux
When I was happy why didn’t I enjoy it?

Vultures clean the mountains of dead bodies.